Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
