When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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