TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
