He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
