idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's always time for handjobs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
