either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
