I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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