i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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