I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
