How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
