Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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