I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
