just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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