oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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