I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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