Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just found a bag of teeth...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
