I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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