Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
