I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
