Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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