yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
