i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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