So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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