Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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