Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
