Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
