My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
