And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
