Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
