Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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