i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
