According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
