I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
