I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
