The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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