I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
