Yo dont text me then not text me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
