just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
