went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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