Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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