Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I will be naked everywhere
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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