Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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