I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
