and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
