She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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