You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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