He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
