At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she peed on how many people?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
