Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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