LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize