When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
