i may or may not be watching the land before time
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
