It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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