Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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