you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
