i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
