Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
