where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
