Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
