You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
