She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
