You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
