You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
