rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
