anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
