Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
