I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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