I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
