You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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