ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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