if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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