So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
