Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
