Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
