u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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