I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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