Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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