HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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