if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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