Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
