It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
